3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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