I am puke
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am midnight drunk by noon
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
