I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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