Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
