Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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