What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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