Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
