Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just had sex bonerless
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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