Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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