It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
