You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
