yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
