I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My hand turned me down
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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