Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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