Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
