where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
