I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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