what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
