we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
