We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
