i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
