would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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