I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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