i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
