I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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