peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
