A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
