Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
