that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
