Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
