It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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