a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How many fucks given?
0.12846
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
