i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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