3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
