I wanna bring you to show and tell
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
