I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
