i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
