So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
