My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
