when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
