I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
