Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
