You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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