I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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