When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
