You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You ruined the universe
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
