Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
