Where did you get a picture of my penis
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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