Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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