Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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