never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm getting married
To pizza
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
