She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
