I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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