my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
